Why do Italians hate Jehovah’s Witnesses? Because Italians hate all witnesses.
You know you’re Italian when . . . ..
You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.
You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can’t fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.
Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.
You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or on the same block.
All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.
You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners
You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.
If someone in your family grows beyond 5′ 9″, it is presumed his Mother had an affair.
There were more than 28 people in your bridal party
You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.
And you REALLY, REALLY know you’re Italian when . . . ..
Your grandfather had a fig tree.
You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.
Christmas Eve . . . only fish.
Your mom’s meatballs are the best.
You’ve been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.
Clear plastic covers on all the furniture.
You know how to pronounce “manicotti” and “mozzarella.”
You fight over whether it’s called “sauce” or “gravy.”
You’ve called someone a “mamaluke.”
And you understand “bada bing”.
Italians have a $40,000 kitchen, but use the $259 stove from Sears in the basement to cook.
There is some sort of religious statue in the hallway, living room, bedroom, front porch and backyard.
The living room is filled with old wedding favors with poofy net bows and stale almonds (they are too pretty to open).
A portrait of the Pope and Frank Sinatra hang in the dining room God forbid if anyone EVER attempted to eat ‘ChefBoy-AR-dee’, ‘Franco American’, ‘Ragu’, ‘Prego’, or anything else labeled as Italian in a jar or can.
Meatballs are made with pork, veal and beef. Italians do not care about cholesterol.
Turkey is served on Thanksgiving AFTER the manicotti, gnocchi, lasagna,and minestrone or shcarole soup.
If anyone EVER says ESCAROLE, slap ’em in the face — it’s SHCAROLE.
Italian mothers never threw a baseball in their life, but could nail you in the head with a shoe thrown from the kitchen while you were in the living room.
Other things particular to Italians…
The prom dress that Zia Ceserina made you cost only $20.00, which was for the material.
The prom hairdo was done free by Cousin Angela.
Turning around at the prom to see your entire family, including your Godparents, standing in the back of the gym… PRICELESS!
True Italians will love this. Those of you who are married to Italians will understand this