Categories
Funny

GED responses

Not a joke per se but this is rather funny; a friend sent this to me awhile back – this was best 10 in a longer list.   Supposedly (so they say), these are actual answers to questions asked in last year’s GED examination; appearnetly these are genuine answers from 16 and 17 year olds.  Someone else added their own comments to some of them shown in italics below.
Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow.   (Simple, but brilliant.)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.
Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. Nearby.
Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Cesarean section’.
A. The Cesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.  (Julius Seizure…I came, I saw, I had a fit!)
Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.  (Irrefutable!)
Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.   (Brilliant)
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.

Categories
Funny

Funny stuff about Pilots

Don’t let these little jokes stop you from taking to the skies….
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet,’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ‘ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Categories
Funny

What Really are the Possibilities

A Sense of Freshness…
A new supermarket opened in Topeka , KS . It has an automatic
water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on,
you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you
experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled
steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the a ir is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh
baked bread & cookies.
I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.
Although this is just really funny but I feel like this is what some retailers really are advertising.

Categories
Just plain fun

are you ready for winter

love the snow, this is last year, 2008.
crash and burn

Categories
Funny Just plain fun

Demolition Derby

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Categories
Just plain fun

Puzzle

This movie is to help you put together this puzzle.

Categories
Funny

A little fun

So my Operating Systems professor is great.  He shows us funny clips almost every class period.  Brings back great memories of the Red Green Show.
http://www.ilaugh.com/the_red_green_show
http://www.redgreen.com/index.cfm?app=cart&a=menu